On the 17th February, the youth of Valley Church submitted questions related to sex, dating and relationships for a panel of people to answer. Over the next couple of weeks we’ll be posting some of those questions and answers here on The Latest…
Q – Why is lust wrong? And how do you know when it’s love and not lust?
Definitions are always tricky, but I think what this question is getting at is clear. When you get down to it, Lust is primarily selfish but Love is primarily selfless. Lust says “I want that and I’ll do whatever it takes to get it”, but Love ought to say “I love you so I will lay myself down for you and serve you!” That is the fundamental difference. Job 31:1 says “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look at a woman with lust” – we should follow this example.
Q – What do you say to a non-Christian when they tell you they want a relationship. Not having one may be bad for your friendship?
The Bible is clear that it is unhealthy and even dangerous to be connected to an unbeliever in that way. Paul says in the Bible don’t be ‘unequally yoked’ (2 Cor 6:14), which is the idea that a ‘yoke of oxen’ would plough a field together, and if they are unequally yoked, they would walk at different speeds and wouldn’t achieve a well-ploughed field. In the same way, when we connect ourselves to unbelievers in that kind of relationship we have to ask ourselves “where is this heading?”, with two different faith systems, two different worldviews, and two different authorities in your life, it is almost impossible to make that work over any period of time. If it may be bad for your friendship with that person to avoid a relationship now, it will certainly be disastrous for it in the long run to pursue one.
Q – How do you prioritise properly with a relationship, school & God? If you feel unstable, or are in a weak relationship with God, how is it best to cope with a relationship?
The answer is easy, actually making it happen isn’t so easy! The priority for someone in school needs to go like this – God, School, Relationship. When you have priorities set out correctly, you will find that other things tend to fall in place more easily. How do you do this? You might have to make some difficult decisions about laying some stuff down in your life to actively pursue your relationship with God (maybe less TV, less social time etc). Ultimately, if you are seriously struggling with it all, perhaps the relationship needs to wait till later…
Q – God wants us to have fun when having sex, why is it so wrong to sleep with a few people?
You are right! God does want us to have fun when having sex. The truth is this though – people with only one sexual partner for life have much more fun in sex than those who do it with multiple partners. For one, there’s no comparisons – nothing to measure up to, nothing to complain about because you’re both learning from scratch! In that environment, you can learn to enjoy sex more and more over a life time as you become a pro at it. Emotionally and spiritually the same thing applies. The more partners you have sex with, the more you are robbing yourself and a future spouse of intimacy. God is the designer of sex – he came up with the idea! It only makes sense to listen to Him when it comes to sex because He knows best in this area. And God says “one partner for life – that’s the best way!”